Let It Rain-Tilly and the Wall

"Get into the groove boy you've got to prove your love to me"
Played on the radio as we drove down south to see our families
You were lying there in the passenger chair sound asleep
I could recall a time when evenings were bright and thick with love
And all the city streets and their lights they were so mysterious
Oh life it was so wonderful it would shine just like fire
How we sat on the backs of our cars and laughed into the morning
I thought you'd come and go
I never thought you would stay
And I'm sorry if I tried to push you away
But the edges they fold and you suddenly find you are buried beneath
A blanket of snow you had no idea was even falling
Now you're sitting on a couch inside your home feeling cold
Nothing is clear, all your thoughts they have become so hard to find
With a question mark always slumped at the end of these awkward lines
All the simple words we loved to speak are no longer audible
And I never thought with you and I this would be possible
I can feel the world coming apart
And I need you by my side with your delicate heart
So please don't leave me no don't you run
Don't be frightened by the storm so bold and brave
Just let it rain

The Immensity of Lachrymal Activities

It is amazing how numb I have become
I am awestruck at how happy I can be, as well
When you don't have to worry about loss
Even for a second, when no thought turns there
Maybe loss makes you stronger,
and maybe peace, love, and happiness are the hardest things to find,
Just a smile might take a lifetime to discover,
A search for one true love may never be found.

So we find contentment in other things,
Items that disappear in the end,
The infinite details being too difficult to inquire about,
Would anyone care to throw it all away for something immeasurable,
Something boundless and yet, so beautifully obligatory,
It quite possibly could be something non-existent,
A technicality that one could spend a lifetime on a picaresque venture searching for it.

It makes me cry.
It makes me weep in monumental heaves.
I don't cry.

Just a little hint as to what's going on in my life:

Lost the boy I was supposed to be dating. He refused to talk to me for a month out of the sheer blue. He acted like I was invisible and treated me like dirt when I did absolutely nothing but try and be there for him. Now that he is talking to me, he never apologized for what he did and tends to act as if nothing happened. He still treats me like I'm insignificant. Lost my best friend... or at least I thought she was my best friend. She wrote me a letter telling me ever way she hated me. P.S. They were all things that are either over with, or things I couldn't help. (Things such as where I go to school, my singing ability, what I look like, and my extracurricular activities... Not to mention who I date, which, I can help to a point, but she rehashed them after they had ended in this letter) This also was out of the blue. She also never apologized, but instead, claimed, "I meant to throw that away." Did I mention she didn't say any of this to my face, but she wrote it in a letter and pinned it to one of my pictures in my room for me to find almost two weeks later. This explains her ditching me the other day. My mom tells me I do nothing at all to help the family, when all I did yesterday was take my sister places and pick her up and all I did today was do chores. She tells me I'm lazy and I don't act like a member of the family. She says that I should volunteer to do the things I do, instead of her asking me. (Like I would know what they were if she didn't ask me) She says I should get a job. She says my music is too sad to be performed. She says I hate my sister and say mean things to her all the time, when my sister's the one saying that I'm dumb and weird, making fun of me, and not thanking me for taking her places when I certainly have better things I could be doing.

Just a little insight to what's going on.
I tend to wonder more and more these days, what would happen if I drove off a bridge.
So I'm glad you other people can be happy.
Maybe you could share a little insight with me on how to do that.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe

I'm Not Meant To Be A Wallflower

I sit behind this piano, cold and broken hearted, singing songs of lost love and aching of the souls of many. It may take what seems like a ceaseless number of years to understand me, but I would hope it is worth the while. I don't know where I am going and whether or not I will have a plan tomorrow. I know not what you meant when you left me... Stranded, without explanation. It wouldn't be the first time and it won't be the last. I know for sure that my rational mind tells me that I shouldn't have followed. It's not like I had the strength to carry out what it told me. You left me out of breath when you walked away. It hurt more than you knew I could hurt. A clean break, you said... For protection, you said. What you don't know is that protection means nothing to me. It never has. I've never been one to protect myself. Now that my heart is guarded, I might never find one to break its chains. It would be a miracle. I can see myself being one of independence within the walls of my tentative quintessence. It is my only wish in life to find love, being it the true kind. I'm not sure it exists anymore. I've had countless people tell me that my one ambition is a lost cause and if what I want is authentic, bona fide, without a doubt, head over heals, unassailable, unfeigned, constant, valid, genuine, heartfelt, devoted, resolute, veracious love, l'amour, de liefde, l'amore. The kind that makes you sick, the kind where time stops, the kind where you just know, the kind that makes you see stars, the kind that makes you get intoxicated by the sight of them. I see it now as something that I can dream about, but never have. If that means I end up alone in an apartment with a Great Dane named Bob, then so be it. I won't put up with fake stuff. I want it more than you can know. My heart longs for it. If it's impossible to reach, I don't want to try anymore. I'll give up. No matter how strong I tell you I am.

"I hope you like your pictures facing down.
As even broken hearts may have their doubts

And I'm burning all the letters
Hoping that I might forget him and his bad taste
That he left when he was leaving me
A life of barely breathing as he walked
Out of this place"

-MayDay Parade

My heart is bruised and lying on the ground.
At least bruises heal.

I tried my best to leave this song on your machine...

I can honestly say that I hope love is more than what I've found,
If not... life as I know it is as well as over, for me...
And one other, that I know of.