I'm Not Meant To Be A Wallflower

I sit behind this piano, cold and broken hearted, singing songs of lost love and aching of the souls of many. It may take what seems like a ceaseless number of years to understand me, but I would hope it is worth the while. I don't know where I am going and whether or not I will have a plan tomorrow. I know not what you meant when you left me... Stranded, without explanation. It wouldn't be the first time and it won't be the last. I know for sure that my rational mind tells me that I shouldn't have followed. It's not like I had the strength to carry out what it told me. You left me out of breath when you walked away. It hurt more than you knew I could hurt. A clean break, you said... For protection, you said. What you don't know is that protection means nothing to me. It never has. I've never been one to protect myself. Now that my heart is guarded, I might never find one to break its chains. It would be a miracle. I can see myself being one of independence within the walls of my tentative quintessence. It is my only wish in life to find love, being it the true kind. I'm not sure it exists anymore. I've had countless people tell me that my one ambition is a lost cause and if what I want is authentic, bona fide, without a doubt, head over heals, unassailable, unfeigned, constant, valid, genuine, heartfelt, devoted, resolute, veracious love, l'amour, de liefde, l'amore. The kind that makes you sick, the kind where time stops, the kind where you just know, the kind that makes you see stars, the kind that makes you get intoxicated by the sight of them. I see it now as something that I can dream about, but never have. If that means I end up alone in an apartment with a Great Dane named Bob, then so be it. I won't put up with fake stuff. I want it more than you can know. My heart longs for it. If it's impossible to reach, I don't want to try anymore. I'll give up. No matter how strong I tell you I am.