My throat thickens with the thought of you lips against mine

Last Time-Secondhand Serenade

I'm stuck with writing songs

Just to forget

What they really were about

And these words are bringing me so deeply insane

That I don't think I can take my way out

I couldn't breathe through it

Like I need to and the words don't mean a thing

So I'll sing this song to you

For the last time

And my heart is torn in two

Thinking of days spent without you

And there is nothing left to prove

I'm counting all the things I could have done

To make you see

That I wanted us to be what I go to sleep and dream of

I want you to know that I'd die for you

I'd die for you

I couldn't breathe through it

Like I need to and the words don't mean a thing

So I'll sing this song to you

For the last time

And my heart is torn in two

Thinking of days spent without you

And there's nothing left to prove

And if you are alone

Make sure you're not lonely

Cause if you are, I blame myself

For never being home

I know I'm not the only one

Who will treat you like they should

What you deserve

I'm stuck with writing songs

Just to forget

So I'll sing this song to you

For the last time

And my heart is torn in two

Thinking of days spent without you

And there's nothing left to prove

There's nothing left to prove

A Letter to My Someone

I hate it when you treat me like this

Like I'm nothing more than a notch in your pole

Nothing more than something you thought of at one point in time

I wonder how you talk about me

Or if you do at all

If you think about me like I think about you

Care about me half as much as I care about you

I miss your piercing, beautiful eyes on mine

Your soft touch on my cheek

Your protective arm around me

Holding me at some time in the morning that neither of us care about

Telling me with your thoughts that you'll never let me go

Then without a second thought, you're gone

Gone for longer than I can handle

So I break... and break... and crack... and fold... and rip... and split...

That's all I can say to describe when you leave

When you walk away

Leaving me to fend for myself in the storm

The rain pours down on my head like shards of glass

My ears ring longing to hear you call my name

For it to be like it used to be

I guess it's not enough for me to apologize

Not enough to say I'll never leave you

Never leave you cold and stranded

If your heart is torn as mine is

I would try to put it back together

If you would let me

You're too good for that

You can't let someone help put you back together

Piece together the wreckage that has become so familiar to me

Through the time, eaten by sorrow, lost ambition, and fear

I want to fill it with love

Love that I swear doesn't exist

Love that I swear to you I have

Love that spans a lifetime

I believe it

I believe in it

I believe in you and your heart

So why'd you have to go?

Is there something I could say to make you turn around,

Cause it's nights like these I wish I'd said don't go

Washing your hair in the shower with praise music playing is an amazing experience. Absolutely sublime. Especially when your whole world is crashed in pieces beside your cold feet. All I've ever been told my whole life is that I'm not good enough. My sheer existence is inutile to them... to anyone. I find that it's become easier just to do what I'm told. I've given up trying to stand up for what I think of myself, it's pointless. When it comes to God, I'll stick up for Him till the end... but what do I know of holy? What do I know of a person, a spirit, a thing that is fire, fury, sacred, beautiful? 

I've put myself into a place of the small, insignificant other.  My mom yelled at me this morning... for having a disease. For being sick. She sarcastically yelled, "Oh poor you!" My dad told me tonight that I spend too much money on food. He's taking away my lunch money. If it were easy enough to just bring a lunch, I would, but we don't have anything in my house. I could use losing the weight. That might make them happy. At least for a little while.

If I could change the world. I would. I would make happiness a part of daily life for everyone. I would hand out flyers that give answers for achieving peace. 

I throw away your pride

with thick guitars and a heaping stride

I love you. Get over it and get the fuck away from your pride.

Just like Eve stole the apple off the tree

You stole my heart right out from under my feet

If You Wanted a Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask-May Day Parade

I'm throwing away pictures

That I never should have taken in the first place

And it's cold in my apartment

As I'm changing all the colors

From the brightest reds to greys

Well it's 3 o'clock on Monday morning

I'm just hoping you're not seeing his face

I've been getting calls in this hotel room

Long enough to know that it was him

That took my place

And I hope this makes you happy now

That the flame we had is burning out

And I hope you like your pictures facing down

As even broken hearts may have their doubts

And I'm burning all the letters

Hoping that I might forget her and her bad taste

That she left as she was leaving me

A life of barely breathing as she walked

Out of this place

And you dropped the note and we changed key

You changed yourself and I changed me

I really didn't see us singing through this

Then you screamed the bridge

And I cried the verse

And our chorus came out unrehearsed

And you smiled the whole way through it

I guess maybe that's what's worse

And I hope this makes you happy now

That the flame we had is burning out

And I hope you like your pictures facing down

As even broken hearts may have their doubts

And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf

And I don't need you or anybody else

So take a look at me

See what you want to see

When you get home

Take me home

I'd rather die than be with you

Take me home

You have a problem with the truth

Take me home

Because this happens every time

I knew it would

I knew it would

I love him more than anything I've ever known

He tells me that I don't know

I see all the signs

All I've ever known is betrayal and desertion

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, Oh God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food

day and night,

while men say to me al day long,

"Where is your God?"

These things I remember

as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go with the multitude,

leading the procession to the house of God,

with shouts of joy and thanksgiving

among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, Oh my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise Him,

my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you

from the land of the Jordan,

the heights of Hermon---from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep

in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers

have swept over me.

By day the Lord directs his love,

at night his song is with me---

a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,

"Why have you forgotten me?

Why must I go about mourning,

oppressed by the enemy?"

My bones suffer mortal agony

as my foes taunt me,

saying to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

Why are you downcast, Oh my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise Him,

my Savior and my God.

-Psalm 42