Washing your hair in the shower with praise music playing is an amazing experience. Absolutely sublime. Especially when your whole world is crashed in pieces beside your cold feet. All I've ever been told my whole life is that I'm not good enough. My sheer existence is inutile to them... to anyone. I find that it's become easier just to do what I'm told. I've given up trying to stand up for what I think of myself, it's pointless. When it comes to God, I'll stick up for Him till the end... but what do I know of holy? What do I know of a person, a spirit, a thing that is fire, fury, sacred, beautiful? 

I've put myself into a place of the small, insignificant other.  My mom yelled at me this morning... for having a disease. For being sick. She sarcastically yelled, "Oh poor you!" My dad told me tonight that I spend too much money on food. He's taking away my lunch money. If it were easy enough to just bring a lunch, I would, but we don't have anything in my house. I could use losing the weight. That might make them happy. At least for a little while.

If I could change the world. I would. I would make happiness a part of daily life for everyone. I would hand out flyers that give answers for achieving peace.