I Find Myself With You

My world lies in Saint Simon. First night in Fairhope and I'm not one for blogging. I have always been a writer. It's where I find peace. I could hardly stand the ride down here. Four hours with my father and so much on my mind. I wish someone, anyone understood me. My only chance lies in a dream. There's no way to get 7 hours from here. I have to admit, that my dad is a wonderful person to be around when he's in a good temperament. I only halfway felt bad about tuning him out after dinner. I plugged myself up to my iPod and immersed myself in memories that would never again become real. It's a constant game for those who never take life seriously. A constant struggle for those who do find seriousness in life. I may never know what shall become of those who take the hits as they come. One text message and my head is in  instant upheaval. It's strange how I find peace. People who are not artistic never understand that art is peace. Art is something that no one can truly define. It is peace, it is love, it is hope, it is faith, it is whatever you may feel or not feel. It is exactly what is, but also everything that isn't. It can fully discover the undiscoverable and perfectly describe the indescribable. The ones that have never experienced it, or never have the opportunity to experience it because of some set back never understand those that live for art. When someone tells me that I am beautiful and artistic, it makes my life worth living. Because art is my life, in whatever form I may choose to express that day. When I am unable to express myself, my life falls apart. Therefore, when someone tells me that my art is beautiful, it makes me smile, because I know everything I've done is worth while. I know my life is worth somebody's time. No matter what spurred their comment, whether it be a blog like this one, a status update, a note, or a song, I know that my life is worth all the pain. The never-relenting ache I felt on the 3 hour and 59 minute drive. The pain I felt when he told me "If you showed up, absolutely one hundred percent." The loss when I realized there was no way the only thing I have wanted for the past year or more could be within my grasp again. The hurt I saw behind my eyes when I played the last year or more over and over again in my head like a reel of tape, never ending, never slowing. The throb like blood behind a bruise when I tried to find an out and knew that it was a lost cause. I know now that it is all worth while because of my art. Because of what I create, the loss of my world as I know it is worth it. It's worth the deprivation. 

My World Lies In Saint Simon

Clouds form behind my wheels

A reel of tape behind my eyes

Silver sands, grasping hands, and a wishing heart

Only just out of reach, as always

I always reach for you

My heart wishes for you to reach for me

Once

Should You Return

You see the night is all I have to make me feel,
and all I want is just a love to make it hurt.
'Cause all I need is something fine to make me lose.
Now it's a funny way I find myself with you.

Because a song is all I have to make me feel,
and all it takes is just a love to make it hurt.
And every sound arranged in time could make me lose.
Now it's a funny way I find myself with you.

But now there's nothing left to do but waste my time.
I never knew where to move on,
I never knew what to rely upon.
But now there's nothing left to say to change your mind.
And if you're unhappy still, I will be hanging on the line should you return.

Because the night is all I have to make me feel,
and all I want is just a dream to make it worthwhile.
'Cause all I need is someone close to make me lose.
Now it's a funny way I find myself with you.

But now there's nothing left to do but waste my time.
I never knew where to move on,
I never knew what to rely upon.
But now there's nothing left to say to change your mind.
And if you're unhappy still, I will be hanging on your line.

But now there's to do to draw your eyes.
I never where to move on.
I never knew what to rely upon.
But now there's nothing left to say to change your mind.
And if you're just sinking down,
I will be pulling on your line.

-Copeland

The broken hearted turn to that which they know

The shards of memories

We become that which broke us

Unknowingly, we turn into the person that broke our heart

1. Endless

"Let's burn our dreams into the skyline, tattoo our sweat and tears forever, you and I..."

Forever is not a word that would fall from his lips.

His sentiments are few, yet sweet.

I will always toil with him inside of me.

My love is caged within my aching chest like birds free from flight.

Forget to hold your breath, for he does not know you.

2. Hits and Misses

"Roll with the punches for you know that it's inevitable, soon to be unforgettable..."

I held my heart in my hands.

Constantly breaching my strong walls of comfort.

He threw blows like an old hat.

We have been this place before.

My legs are broken out from under me, with no will to contend. 

3. Relinquish

"Waiting on an angel, one to carry me home..."

I am unable to stick this out alone.

I dream of lights and a being in white.

Death white and gripped tightly, his arms fold around me.

My stomach lurches, turning flips, around.

My walls are broken, my strength abandoned, my troops, dead upon arrival.