I Find Myself With You

My world lies in Saint Simon. First night in Fairhope and I'm not one for blogging. I have always been a writer. It's where I find peace. I could hardly stand the ride down here. Four hours with my father and so much on my mind. I wish someone, anyone understood me. My only chance lies in a dream. There's no way to get 7 hours from here. I have to admit, that my dad is a wonderful person to be around when he's in a good temperament. I only halfway felt bad about tuning him out after dinner. I plugged myself up to my iPod and immersed myself in memories that would never again become real. It's a constant game for those who never take life seriously. A constant struggle for those who do find seriousness in life. I may never know what shall become of those who take the hits as they come. One text message and my head is in  instant upheaval. It's strange how I find peace. People who are not artistic never understand that art is peace. Art is something that no one can truly define. It is peace, it is love, it is hope, it is faith, it is whatever you may feel or not feel. It is exactly what is, but also everything that isn't. It can fully discover the undiscoverable and perfectly describe the indescribable. The ones that have never experienced it, or never have the opportunity to experience it because of some set back never understand those that live for art. When someone tells me that I am beautiful and artistic, it makes my life worth living. Because art is my life, in whatever form I may choose to express that day. When I am unable to express myself, my life falls apart. Therefore, when someone tells me that my art is beautiful, it makes me smile, because I know everything I've done is worth while. I know my life is worth somebody's time. No matter what spurred their comment, whether it be a blog like this one, a status update, a note, or a song, I know that my life is worth all the pain. The never-relenting ache I felt on the 3 hour and 59 minute drive. The pain I felt when he told me "If you showed up, absolutely one hundred percent." The loss when I realized there was no way the only thing I have wanted for the past year or more could be within my grasp again. The hurt I saw behind my eyes when I played the last year or more over and over again in my head like a reel of tape, never ending, never slowing. The throb like blood behind a bruise when I tried to find an out and knew that it was a lost cause. I know now that it is all worth while because of my art. Because of what I create, the loss of my world as I know it is worth it. It's worth the deprivation.